


Toxic

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-10
Updated: 2004-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:56:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin are no longer together and he is with Lindsay. Gus never happened, Mel never happened.  Is it all roses like she had in mind?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Was it the Bourbon or the Dye that made the Pink walls quiver like vaginal lips? An Acidy scent ribboned the pawed tub,fingered up the shower curtain.My vision was liquid and various as a lava lamp.In the mirror I saw the scar from the blueberry bramble that had caught my chin and scratched a hairline curve to my forhead.it was hardly noticeable,but left the impression that my face was cracked.Taking another sip of bourbon,I put on the plastic gloves and begin parting my hair at the roots.As the dye snaked out there was a faint sucking sound, like soil pulling water,and I wondered:if I were brave enough to slit my wrists would I bother to dye my hair?

This is what happened: all day yesterday Brian had stared out the window, smoking cigarettes. There were his usual reasons-his father,work,That he was getting old. Plus there was Justin to moon over.He eyed the envelope of Justin's wedding invitation and stared out the window for hours,his face vaguely twitching as he moved from one memory to the next.he made me think he was getting sick of living with me.And this, in turn, made me want to please him,I was not one of his worries.so when he went for a walk I put on my black teddy and arranged myself on the futon.Looking at my brest converd in lace flowers, I thought I seemed overly anxious,like Danish or a little excitable dog.I looked desperate....using the one thing that would keep him near.It seemed manipultaive,even if it was an attempt to jerk him from his melancholy. Men are never more appealing then when they brood.

Brian came in and walked to the foot of the bed.His eyes narrowed with lusty admiration for my forwardness. he lay over me and said."I'm in charge now" But when he didn't release his weight I asked him if he was going to take off his clothes."You seen to want me to," he said.I blushed and asked him if he felt bullied,told him now he knew how women felt."You take that off,"he said, stretching the lace of the teddy. I rolled it down and then adamantly pulled his shirt off. There was something hard in me that wanted him,no matter how awkward it was going to be. We kissed in a distracted way.Eventually, he turned his head,as if watching a bird move across the horizon.I saw dark continents under the paint of the walls beyond his profile.  
"I'm bored,"he said.  
I sat up on the edge of the bed,then walked to the closet.Shifting the hanging clothes,I felt my hands already beginning to shake.I dressed and went into the kitchen.they was a taste of pennies in my mouth,a tinny rawness,like the momnet after you break a bone.  
"I have to get more cigarettes,"he said.  
As I sat, I sometimes suspected he was stunted, not capable of predictable human emotions.As I sip the rest of my bourbon I realize...

It's been gone 24 hours and Brian still hasn't come back...


	2. Toxic

Lindsay's POV

He didn't call.

I often wonder if loving Brian is wrong. Wanting to be with him...is it wrong? Because all the pain I endure can't be right. Loving anyone shouldn't hurt as much as this. I know he still fucks guys, but I tell him all the time he's the reason Justin left and that if he cared anything about him he woundn't have hurt him like he has.

The day he got Justin's invitation to his wedding...God, I've never seen Brian so out of it. I'll never forget his words after reading the invitations for the third time. "He'll never make it". I've wondered many times after that, did he mean himself or Justin?

I know first hand love will make you do some pretty crazy things, but I know Brian would never kill Justin. Or would he?

I've changed so much in the last few months and I guess it's because of Brian. He never talks to me and when we have sex he's not into it; it's like he does it just to prove that he can. Who wants that kind of sex? I guess I do, because each and everytime I'm gamed and I can't wait to make him happy the best way I know how.

I have tried to leave him many times and I have but come right back, because I'm nothing without him. I have not a clue what to do if anything.

After I got out of the bed and showered, I relized how sad I am, waiting on a man that's out fucking every gay man and not so gay man he can find.

Now I must go to work and listen to my boss tell her story of her past life, when her husband loved her and fucked her within an inch of her life.

As I'm walking down 6th Street, I notice that same old lady, the same as everyday. I say a polite hello and she says the same, added with a wave. No soon as my back turns, I hear she walks this same block as everyday. She's got to be a hooker and I stop and look down at my clothing. Blue jeans, white t-shirt. I take my compact mirror out and look at my make up, just a little eye shadow and lip gloss. I inspect myself, turn around and give a small but sweet smile to the old lady that doesn't know shit and keep walking.

I wonder what story Melanie would have to tell me today. She was only three years older than me, but saw so much a life and now that she is home alone in a foot case she needs someone to talk too and do little odds and ends around the house and that's me. I love her stories. She has seen so much of life and I haven't. The last story she told me I was cleaning the table and she came in and sat down and started telling this story. "I am now 30 years old. My husband is working in the gulf. He married me and went to the gulf within a week after the marriage, giving me the pleasures of sex. After he left for the gulf, I used to simply sit in the house, only eating and sleeping. My husband would come home only every two years. I was under immense sexual heat. My pussy was burning with sexual desire. I used to masturbate and alleviate the pressure. We had no children. Since my husband's family members were in the house, I found no way to ease my heat. My husband used to send me erotic CD's through people coming on leave. I had taken my computer from my house after the marriage. I used to watch these movies comfortably in my room on the second floor, without anyone disturbing me. I really found great interest in lesbian movies." I have to say I wasn't shocked, not by the least bit, because she had this vibe to her that she was into women. I just wasn't sure how much. So I let her go on with her story.

As I walk to her doorstep, I notice Brian coming out of a house a few doors down. I hide behind a bush so that I can see him without being seen.

I see him kissing a younger man - maybe in his late 20's - and walk down the street coming towards me, so I hurry and find my keys to Melanie's place and I rush in. I peck behind the curtain and catch a small glimpse of him walking by and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.


End file.
